DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is newly engaged to a man whom she has been in a relationship with for several years now. They seem very happy for the most part.
For my sister’s birthday, we all went out to dinner and had an activity-packed day with a bunch of their other friends. I couldn’t help but notice that one of her fiance’s female friends was being maybe a little too friendly with him. It was subtle, but I’m observant and picked up on it right away. My sister didn’t seem to notice.
I’m protective of my sister, and I’m quick to call out anyone or anything that I think could potentially hurt her. I think she should keep an eye on that woman. Should I say something?
DEAR TOO FRIENDLY: You should tell your sister objectively what you observed. Rather than worrying about this woman, I recommend that your sister bring it up to her fiance directly. Ask him what their history is: Did they ever date? Does he know that she seems to be attracted to him? Can he put her behavior in check?
It is not unusual for someone in a friend group to have a long-term crush on a member of the group. Her interest does not mean that his feelings are reciprocal. As long as the two in the relationship are on the same page about friends and boundaries, they should be fine. Yes, some friends may have to be let go when you get married, but some can simply be put in their place.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a hair weave for the first time. I love how it looks, but I realize that it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom.
I haven’t had a boyfriend for years. Recently, I started dating someone. We were kissing, and he put his hands in my hair. I tensed up a lot. I knew he would instantly feel the tracks in my hair. I stopped kissing and started sputtering as I tried to explain about my hair. That totally killed the moment.
Afterward, I shyly told him that I had never had a weave before and didn’t know how he would react to it. He said he didn’t realize my hair wasn’t real, but he didn’t care. That was a relief, but it still feels a little awkward now.
How can I get past my insecurity? I really like my new hairstyle but feel like it’s a hindrance in the bedroom.
DEAR HAIR WEAVE: You are part of a very large club, so to speak, of women who have hair weaves, lace-front wigs, traditional wigs and other hair enhancements. Take a deep breath and know that thousands of women have sorted this out successfully.
You have options. You can make your hair off-limits by saying so and gently moving your lover’s hands away from your head when they start traveling there. You can allow him to put his fingers in your hair and discover what’s there. You can make peace with the fact that you have chosen to wear your hair in a particular way that requires a little bit of help beyond Mother Nature.
Your guy is going to have to be OK with that, or he’s not your guy.
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Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.